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Online Dating – The Struggle is Real

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One of my all time favorite things is to share my awful and awkward dating stories with you all, as we all know I always attract these situations. But there is also another side to these stories which often results in constant feelings of frustration, anger, sadness and sometimes heartache.

Dating has changed so much and I often feel like I am wandering around in the dark without a clue as to where or what I am supposed to be doing. When I first tried the whole online dating thing years ago, I was constantly talking to and meeting new people. A lot of people were looking for something meaningful. Now, I can hardly even get someone to meet me for an hour coffee. The amount of times that someone has ghosted, I can’t even count on two hands anymore. The amount of times I have had people meet me and then all of a sudden decide they are “not ready” is also up there in those numbers. Why the fuck are you out there meeting people and wasting their time then?!  Being constantly rejected like that takes its toll mentally after awhile. You start to question if it’s something you did, if you’re just not pretty enough or if you’re just not fun to be around. 98% of the people I talk to are never willing to actually take the time to get to know you before running for whatever reason. I am not sure why the dating game has changed so much, maybe it’s the fact a person now has thousands of people in the palm of their hands to choose from at any given time. Almost like its become a game to see if someone better will come along. There are things that were always there, so why in 2016/2017 are people so afraid of committing? Or actually taking the time to get to know the human being behind the phone they are messaging?

My most recent dating experience is what has sparked this blog post as I think it really just pushed me over the edge and finally broke me. I spent the last two weeks talking pretty much non-stop to a fellow, a fellow who I had SO much in common with. He was so much fun and was so easy to talk to. On Saturday we finally met and hung out for EIGHT hours.  I can’t remember the last time I felt an actual connection with someone else. I can’t remember the last time someone made me laugh that hard or who was actually interested in spending more than an hour with me. He walked me to my vehicle, asked me when I am free next and then proceeded to text me as soon as he got home about how much fun he had. We talked for the remainder of that evening and all of the next day. I was giddy as fuck, I actually met someone who didn’t ghost right afterwards?! Who was this magical human being. They always say when something seems too good to be true, it usually is. Guess whoever made up that stupid phase was right.

Today he sent me a text out of nowhere about how he’s still dealing with past ex issues, that he realized he is not ready to date or hangout with people and is better off being alone right now. I really appreciate he told me but my heart instantly sank to the pits of my stomach. I only went on one date with this guy but reading that crushed me. I feel so incredibly lame that it made me so upset and it really opened my eyes that right now, I am just not strong enough for rejection anymore. I used to laugh it off every single time but now it just hurts. I have learnt that people who are not ready to date are using these applications to find a quick fix, to fill their void. Then there are people like me, looking for something real, who get mixed into these situations not knowing any better and guess who gets their feelings hurt in the end.

I decided today to remove myself from any sort of dating applications as I clearly am too vulnerable and emotional of a person to handle any more of it. It’s sad that I even have to feel that way but the amount of energy I put into people who just end up hurting me, can be spent in so many other amazing ways! I noticed that I am becoming bitter towards dating/men and that is just not me to feel bitter about anything. I don’t want to be made to feel like I am doing something wrong or that I am not worth the world and more. No one should ever make you, even for a moment, question yourself.

Is anyone else in the dating game and feeling anything similar? I would like to hear your experiences with it.

M.I.A

One of my main goals this year was to be open about mental illness, as I suffer from clinical depression. So many feel they can not have a voice and I would like to be one for those suffering in silence. There are more of us out there than I could have ever imagined. I often have to remind myself that how I am feeling is not by choice but a very serious illness.

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The D Word

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It’s taken everything I have to be brave enough to share what I am about to publicly. I have knots in my stomach and feel like I am going to puke…. But if the stigma is to ever end people suffering from mental illness should be able to share their stories without fear of judgement. Depression is real and it’s something I would never wish upon anyone. I hope what I am about to share can in someway help anyone going through depression or any sort of mental illness know that it’s not something to be ashamed or embarrassed of. Depression is out of your control, you don’t choose to feel a certain way. It’s a real medical condition that affects you physically and is extremely painful emotionally.

On May 30th, with some hesitation, fear and anger, I was admitted to the hospital where I spent just over a week in a Psych Ward. Let’s rewind a bit here.
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Jacob.Grace Designs

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I had the pleasure of learning about the amazing story behind Jacob.Grace Designs. Melissa kindly shared her family’s story with me and how the brand came to life. I knew that a portion of the proceeds from the Small + Mighty tee were donated back to the NICU but I had no idea it was because of her personal experience with the three premature births of her own children.

Here is their story!

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New York City!

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My sister and I ventured to New York City for Bridal Market last week. If you read my last post, you will know that she is opening a bridal boutique in Calgary called Pearl & Dot. I figured I may as well join her on her adventure as who would say no to a trip to New York?! An idiot, that’s who. I don’t think I have ever been as busy in my entire life as I was for those 5 days. The blisters, oh my lord the blisters…. My choice of footwear was not made for that city.

We sadly had a delay getting into the city and arrived about four hours later than we should have. We were starving by the time we got there so we hit the streets looking for food and found some 99 cent pizza. On our way back to the hotel we came across a cowboy walking two miniature horses down the road at 10:00 PM. I just looked at my sister, pizza in hand, and said “Welcome to New York City.”

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Pearl & Dot

10419436_367794553425242_1721850817427037173_nYou know that feeling you get when you know about something amazing but are sworn to secrecy and you can’t share anything about it? It’s pure torture and I assume comparable to how Hannibal Lecter felt while having that face mask on during transport. Well, my torment of having my lips sealed shut is finally over!

My sister Alyssa has been passionate about weddings for as long as I can remember. She loves everything about weddings but has always had a thing for the bride. Okay, that sounds a little bit scandalous. What I mean by that is she is able to truly connect with a bride and make her feel beautiful. I can’t tell you how many times she has teared up when seeing a bride find her wedding dress.

Today Alyssa has launched what she has been working on. I am beyond proud of all the hard work she has put into this. Seeing someone put their dreams and passions into reality gives me butterflies. I can’t wait for her to reveal the designer collections being carried and the beautiful location of the boutique.

“Meet Pearl & Dot! A bridal boutique dedicated to providing a rejuvenated and personalized way for all ‪#‎yyc‬ brides to shop for their dream wedding gown. Pearl & Dot will be hitting the Calgary market this fall and we can’t wait to introduce some incredible local and international designers to all you lovely brides to be! Over the next few months, leading up to the grand opening, we will be sharing a bunch of behind the scene footage as Pearl & Dot comes to life! Follow along on all our social media channels (@pearlanddot) and you will be with us every step of the way. We can’t wait to show you what we get up to as we take our first ever trip to Bridal Market in NYC on April 17th, as well as all the amazing finds we come across as we begin to renovate and decorate our soon to be swoon-worthy boutique.”

Please feel free to follow Pearl & Dot on all social media channels! The Pinterest boards are AMAZING. We head to NYC on April 17th and will be posting photos a long side our journey.

www.instagram.com/pearlanddot
www.pinterest.com/pearlanddot
www.twitter.com/pearlanddot

xo Kenzie

By Ollia – Pop Up!

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I was meeting some friends for lunch and decided to stop by the By Ollia Pop Up in Holt Renfrew. It was such a beautiful display, full of clean bright whites and lovely pastels. Sadly they didn’t have their Blueberry Matcha Tea I’ve been hearing about but they had a selection of other delicious teas and macarons. The wonderful lady working the Pop Up gave me a run down on the ingredients in their London Fog, going to have to go into their shop and try that one soon! It sounded so amazing. They also host macaron baking classes, I have been trying to book a class but they fill up so quickly! You get served some of their organic loose leaf teas throughout the evening and get to take a box of macarons home with you. Sounds like the perfect evening to me!

Do you have a favourite tea or macaron flavour from By Ollia?

xo Kenzie