One of my all time favorite things is to share my awful and awkward dating stories with you all, as we all know I always attract these situations. But there is also another side to these stories which often results in constant feelings of frustration, anger, sadness and sometimes heartache.
Dating has changed so much and I often feel like I am wandering around in the dark without a clue as to where or what I am supposed to be doing. When I first tried the whole online dating thing years ago, I was constantly talking to and meeting new people. A lot of people were looking for something meaningful. Now, I can hardly even get someone to meet me for an hour coffee. The amount of times that someone has ghosted, I can’t even count on two hands anymore. The amount of times I have had people meet me and then all of a sudden decide they are “not ready” is also up there in those numbers. Why the fuck are you out there meeting people and wasting their time then?! Being constantly rejected like that takes its toll mentally after awhile. You start to question if it’s something you did, if you’re just not pretty enough or if you’re just not fun to be around. 98% of the people I talk to are never willing to actually take the time to get to know you before running for whatever reason. I am not sure why the dating game has changed so much, maybe it’s the fact a person now has thousands of people in the palm of their hands to choose from at any given time. Almost like its become a game to see if someone better will come along. There are things that were always there, so why in 2016/2017 are people so afraid of committing? Or actually taking the time to get to know the human being behind the phone they are messaging?
My most recent dating experience is what has sparked this blog post as I think it really just pushed me over the edge and finally broke me. I spent the last two weeks talking pretty much non-stop to a fellow, a fellow who I had SO much in common with. He was so much fun and was so easy to talk to. On Saturday we finally met and hung out for EIGHT hours. I can’t remember the last time I felt an actual connection with someone else. I can’t remember the last time someone made me laugh that hard or who was actually interested in spending more than an hour with me. He walked me to my vehicle, asked me when I am free next and then proceeded to text me as soon as he got home about how much fun he had. We talked for the remainder of that evening and all of the next day. I was giddy as fuck, I actually met someone who didn’t ghost right afterwards?! Who was this magical human being. They always say when something seems too good to be true, it usually is. Guess whoever made up that stupid phase was right.
Today he sent me a text out of nowhere about how he’s still dealing with past ex issues, that he realized he is not ready to date or hangout with people and is better off being alone right now. I really appreciate he told me but my heart instantly sank to the pits of my stomach. I only went on one date with this guy but reading that crushed me. I feel so incredibly lame that it made me so upset and it really opened my eyes that right now, I am just not strong enough for rejection anymore. I used to laugh it off every single time but now it just hurts. I have learnt that people who are not ready to date are using these applications to find a quick fix, to fill their void. Then there are people like me, looking for something real, who get mixed into these situations not knowing any better and guess who gets their feelings hurt in the end.
I decided today to remove myself from any sort of dating applications as I clearly am too vulnerable and emotional of a person to handle any more of it. It’s sad that I even have to feel that way but the amount of energy I put into people who just end up hurting me, can be spent in so many other amazing ways! I noticed that I am becoming bitter towards dating/men and that is just not me to feel bitter about anything. I don’t want to be made to feel like I am doing something wrong or that I am not worth the world and more. No one should ever make you, even for a moment, question yourself.
Is anyone else in the dating game and feeling anything similar? I would like to hear your experiences with it.